i feel like im a desert/ocean syncretist in some ways. i really appreciate the way people talk about the ocean. its so vast and filled with incredible waves.
i love the ocean so much.. in theory.
the problem though is that it is full of life that i am unfamiliar with and i am very squeamish about and whenever im at the beach and touch something weird, i very suddenly do NOT want to be in the water
re: sex and relationships and stuffi said in many ways in the last post but didn’t really elaborate. she prefers the term transsexual and i,, well i lean more towards the term transgender than she does. tbh i dont feel like either term really fits how i feel. to her its more about changing how one exists to others within the world. for me it is also an active process of changing oneself. physically, yes, but thats more to prevent isolation than the goal in itself. for me it is more spiritual ig. if i was asked to name a transition goal, i would lie say i dont have an answer, but i do. it is a peaceful sea.
sex and relationships and stuffshe is more physical than me in many ways. like, she can be quickly attracted to people she meets. bodies and movement kinda do something to her brain thats a bit odd to me. she has definitely had sex with people.
im no less of a freak and attractiveness is a factor, but its fundamentally relational to me. its about what theyre doing to me on a relational level. who is the central question rather than what is being done or felt physically. have i had sex before? kinda. not in the cut and dry way she has though. ive done things with sexual intention with people that i enjoyed. nudity wasn’t really involved let alone genitals. no orgasms were involved nor particularly desired.
@ellie i was specifically taught to pee standing up but switched to sitting down as i got older for practical reasons. im tall so if pee hits the water it inevitably splashes back out and i really hate that. its also very loud.
nobody seems to accept chief as the real her. she actively causes problems for her bosses bc they wouldn’t trust her if she was compliant. shalom wants to restore the ‘real her’. rust wants to see the real her at the next black ring. when chief is in a murderous rage, augustus says it suits her. im part of the problem. i post a lot about how much i love seeing angry chief.
but shes pretty happy with who she is. she likes being the kind chief of the minos bureau of child care, and she doesnt think her past self would hate her for that. when that gets called into question she walks away all the more confident in who she is
chief is still subjected to dehumanization in a different way. her bosses see her past, more monstrous self as ‘realer’ and see chief less as a person right now, but as a weapon, and a walking risk calculation. they prefer to refer to her as SHP-13 and occasionally even ‘it’
both shalom and hecate were subject to similar experiments at the hands of the same people. the only other known character in that category is chief herself, who notably has no doll associations (and actually helps the other two reform a sense of self and having a will)
also hecate is referred to as a doll in her promotional video. doll is the main word emphasized even, but unlike with shalom i dont think that happens in game
the way ptn leans into animal associations for characters is interesting to me. like, people who have never met rahu before keep talking about her as if she’s a dog as if this is completely normal
